Voting

No. This is not a post about how or who to vote for. We have an open senate seat in District 1. One Democrat and one Republican are vying for the seat. IMHO, neither are qualified. Then, again, who is ever qualified to make life-changing decisions for a whole lot of people? Especially if they've had problems running their own lives in the past? Enough about that sort of stuff. I just hope my friends, co-workers and neighbors have a good head on their shoulders at the polling place.

What I'd like to talk about are the blankety-blank telephone solicitors wanting you to tell them you'd vote for their candidate. In the preliminary round, I asked the solicitor a couple of questions she couldn't directly answer. 'Nuff said. Today I got another call. Here is how it went.

(ring! ring!) Me: Hello. (silence) Hello! (silence, while software is processing my voice as being real) Well if you don't want to talk to me...
Him: Hi! I'm so and so for so and so's campaign...
Me: Really! That's great! I'm not a voter. (hang up)

Here's how it should've gone down.

(ring! ring!) Me: Hello. (silence) Hello! (silence, while software is processing my voice as being real) Well if you don't want to talk to me...
Him: Hi! I'm so and so for so and so's campaign...
Me: Really! That's great for you! I'm so glad you called. Let me tell you...I was just talking to my husband and I said that the first phone solicitor who calls for voting, I won't vote for that candidate. I'll vote for the other one.

I've used a lot of suggestions for phone solicitors in the past. Here are a few of them. I can't take credit for most because I've gotten them from funny e-mails. I take credit for the one above, but I didn't use it yet. The rest below I've used with a lot of fun.

Yes. I'm so and so. I don't have many friends. Will you be my friend?

Hello. Hello! Hello? Hello! Hello. Hello. Hello.

Me: What is your name again?
Them: So and so.
Me: Hi, so and so. May I have your phone number so I can call you back at a time most inconvenient for you?
Them: I'm sorry but we can't give out that information.
Me: Then I don't need to talk to you.

(ring! ring!) Me: Hello.
Them: I'm from...
Me: (slam!)

Taking credit for this one. Really happened.

(ring! ring!) Me: Hello.
Him: Hello. Is this Mrs. So and So?
Me: Yes. What are you selling?
Him: Nothing, Mrs. So and So. I'd just like for you to listen to what I have to say about such and such a product.
Me: So you're not selling anything?
Him: No. Nothing. This program is for (fill in whatever) for a FREE! three month trial.
Me: What does it cost?
Him: Nothing, Mrs. So and So. You have three months to review this program for FREE! can I send the information to your address?
Me: So how much does it cost after three months?
Him: Just $29.95 a month for the security...
Me: So you're hoping that I'll forget to cancel within the three months so you'll be making a commission?
Him: We're hoping that you'll love the program and find it very useful to you. It is REALLY a great program.
Me: No, thanks.
Him: But Mrs. So and So, don't you realize what a good program this is?
Me: Don't you understand a simple word such as no?
Him: (click)

If you have any other good telemarketer responses to share, please leave a comment. I'd be glad to post them here so everyone can use them. (No profanity, please. Just good ol' fun stuff.)

Take care.